"You know perhaps--yes, I told you myself," began Svidrigailov, "that I was in the debtors' prison here, for an immense sum, and had not any expectation of being able to pay it. There's no need to go into particulars how Marfa Petrovna bought me out; do you know to what a point of insanity a woman can sometimes love? She was an honest woman, and very sensible, although completely uneducated. Would you believe that this honest and jealous woman, after many scenes of hysterics and reproaches, condescended to enter into a kind of contract with me which she kept throughout our married life? She was considerably older than I, and besides, she always kept a clove or something in her mouth. There was so much swinishness in my soul and honesty too, of a sort, as to tell her straight out that I couldn't be absolutely faithful to her. This confession drove her to frenzy, but yet she seems in a way to have liked my brutal frankness. She thought it showed I was unwilling to deceive her if I warned her like this beforehand and for a jealous woman, you know, that's the first consideration. After many tears an unwritten contract was drawn up between us: first, that I would never leave Marfa Petrovna and would always be her husband; secondly, that I would never absent myself without her permission; thirdly, that I would never set up a permanent mistress; fourthly, in return for this, Marfa Petrovna gave me a free hand with the maidservants, but only with her secret knowledge; fifthly, God forbid my falling in love with a woman of our class; sixthly, in case I--which God forbid--should be visited by a great serious passion I was bound to reveal it to Marfa Petrovna. On this last score, however, Marfa Petrovna was fairly at ease. She was a sensible woman and so she could not help looking upon me as a dissolute profligate incapable of real love. But a sensible woman and a jealous woman are two very different things, and that's where the trouble came in. But to judge some people impartially we must renounce certain preconceived opinions and our habitual attitude to the ordinary people about us. I have reason to have faith in your judgment rather than in anyone's. Perhaps you have already heard a great deal that was ridiculous and absurd about Marfa Petrovna. She certainly had some very ridiculous ways, but I tell you frankly that I feel really sorry for the innumerable woes of which I was the cause. Well, and that's enough, I think, by way of a decorous /oraison funebre/ for the most tender wife of a most tender husband. When we quarrelled, I usually held my tongue and did not irritate her and that gentlemanly conduct rarely failed to attain its object, it influenced her, it pleased her, indeed. These were times when she was positively proud of me. But your sister she couldn't put up with, anyway. And however she came to risk taking such a beautiful creature into her house as a governess. My explanation is that Marfa Petrovna was an ardent and impressionable woman and simply fell in love herself--literally fell in love--with your sister. Well, little wonder--look at Avdotya Romanovna! I saw the danger at the first glance and what do you think, I resolved not to look at her even. But Avdotya Romanovna herself made the first step, would you believe it? Would you believe it too that Marfa Petrovna was positively angry with me at first for my persistent silence about your sister, for my careless reception of her continual adoring praises of Avdotya Romanovna. I don't know what it was she wanted! Well, of course, Marfa Petrovna told Avdotya Romanovna every detail about me. She had the unfortunate habit of telling literally everyone all our family secrets and continually complaining of me; how could she fail to confide in such a delightful new friend? I expect they talked of nothing else but me and no doubt Avdotya Romanovna heard all those dark mysterious rumours that were current about me. . . . I don't mind betting that you too have heard something of the sort already?"
"I have. Luzhin charged you with having caused the death of a child. Is that true?"
"Don't refer to those vulgar tales, I beg," said Svidrigailov with disgust and annoyance. "If you insist on wanting to know about all that idiocy, I will tell you one day, but now . . ."
"I was told too about some footman of yours in the country whom you treated badly."
"I beg you to drop the subject," Svidrigailov interrupted again with obvious impatience.
"Was that the footman who came to you after death to fill your pipe? . . . you told me about it yourself." Raskolnikov felt more and more irritated.
Svidrigailov looked at him attentively and Raskolnikov fancied he caught a flash of spiteful mockery in that look. But Svidrigailov restrained himself and answered very civilly:
"Yes, it was. I see that you, too, are extremely interested and shall feel it my duty to satisfy your curiosity at the first opportunity. Upon my soul! I see that I really might pass for a romantic figure with some people. Judge how grateful I must be to Marfa Petrovna for having repeated to Avdotya Romanovna such mysterious and interesting gossip about me. I dare not guess what impression it made on her, but in any case it worked in my interests. With all Avdotya Romanovna's natural aversion and in spite of my invariably gloomy and repellent aspect--she did at least feel pity for me, pity for a lost soul. And if once a girl's heart is moved to /pity/, it's more dangerous than anything. She is bound to want to 'save him,' to bring him to his senses, and lift him up and draw him to nobler aims, and restore him to new life and usefulness--well, we all know how far such dreams can go. I saw at once that the bird was flying into the cage of herself. And I too made ready. I think you are frowning, Rodion Romanovitch? There's no need. As you know, it all ended in smoke. (Hang it all, what a lot I am drinking!) Do you know, I always, from the very beginning, regretted that it wasn't your sister's fate to be born in the second or third century A.D., as the daughter of a reigning prince or some governor or pro-consul in Asia Minor. She would undoubtedly have been one of those who would endure martyrdom and would have smiled when they branded her bosom with hot pincers. And she would have gone to it of herself. And in the fourth or fifth century she would have walked away into the Egyptian desert and would have stayed there thirty years living on roots and ecstasies and visions. She is simply thirsting to face some torture for someone, and if she can't get her torture, she'll throw herself out of a window. I've heard something of a Mr. Razumihin--he's said to be a sensible fellow; his surname suggests it, indeed. He's probably a divinity student. Well, he'd better look after your sister! I believe I understand her, and I am proud of it. But at the beginning of an acquaintance, as you know, one is apt to be more heedless and stupid. One doesn't see clearly. Hang it all, why is she so handsome? It's not my fault. In fact, it began on my side with a most irresistible physical desire. Avdotya Romanovna is awfully chaste, incredibly and phenomenally so. Take note, I tell you this about your sister as a fact. She is almost morbidly chaste, in spite of her broad intelligence, and it will stand in her way. There happened to be a girl in the house then, Parasha, a black-eyed wench, whom I had never seen before--she had just come from another village--very pretty, but incredibly stupid: she burst into tears, wailed so that she could be heard all over the place and caused scandal. One day after dinner Avdotya Romanovna followed me into an avenue in the garden and with flashing eyes /insisted/ on my leaving poor Parasha alone. It was almost our first conversation by ourselves. I, of course, was only too pleased to obey her wishes, tried to appear disconcerted, embarrassed, in fact played my part not badly. Then came interviews, mysterious conversations, exhortations, entreaties, supplications, even tears--would you believe it, even tears? Think what the passion for propaganda will bring some girls to! I, of course, threw it all on my destiny, posed as hungering and thirsting for light, and finally resorted to the most powerful weapon in the subjection of the female heart, a weapon which never fails one. It's the well-known resource--flattery. Nothing in the world is harder than speaking the truth and nothing easier than flattery. If there's the hundredth part of a false note in speaking the truth, it leads to a discord, and that leads to trouble. But if all, to the last note, is false in flattery, it is just as agreeable, and is heard not without satisfaction. It may be a coarse satisfaction, but still a satisfaction. And however coarse the flattery, at least half will be sure to seem true. That's so for all stages of development and classes of society. A vestal virgin might be seduced by flattery. I can never remember without laughter how I once seduced a lady who was devoted to her husband, her children, and her principles. What fun it was and how little trouble! And the lady really had principles--of her own, anyway. All my tactics lay in simply being utterly annihilated and prostrate before her purity. I flattered her shamelessly, and as soon as I succeeded in getting a pressure of the hand, even a glance from her, I would reproach myself for having snatched it by force, and would declare that she had resisted, so that I could never have gained anything but for my being so unprincipled. I maintained that she was so innocent that she could not foresee my treachery, and yielded to me unconsciously, unawares, and so on. In fact, I triumphed, while my lady remained firmly convinced that she was innocent, chaste, and faithful to all her duties and obligations and had succumbed quite by accident. And how angry she was with me when I explained to her at last that it was my sincere conviction that she was just as eager as I. Poor Marfa Petrovna was awfully weak on the side of flattery, and if I had only cared to, I might have had all her property settled on me during her lifetime. (I am drinking an awful lot of wine now and talking too much.) I hope you won't be angry if I mention now that I was beginning to produce the same effect on Avdotya Romanovna. But I was stupid and impatient and spoiled it all. Avdotya Romanovna had several times--and one time in particular--been greatly displeased by the expression of my eyes, would you believe it? There was sometimes a light in them which frightened her and grew stronger and stronger and more unguarded till it was hateful to her. No need to go into detail, but we parted. There I acted stupidly again. I fell to jeering in the coarsest way at all such propaganda and efforts to convert me; Parasha came on to the scene again, and not she alone; in fact there was a tremendous to-do. Ah, Rodion Romanovitch, if you could only see how your sister's eyes can flash sometimes! Never mind my being drunk at this moment and having had a whole glass of wine. I am speaking the truth. I assure you that this glance has haunted my dreams; the very rustle of her dress was more than I could stand at last. I really began to think that I might become epileptic. I could never have believed that I could be moved to such a frenzy. It was essential, indeed, to be reconciled, but by then it was impossible. And imagine what I did then! To what a pitch of stupidity a man can be brought by frenzy! Never undertake anything in a frenzy, Rodion Romanovitch. I reflected that Avdotya Romanovna was after all a beggar (ach, excuse me, that's not the word . . . but does it matter if it expresses the meaning?), that she lived by her work, that she had her mother and you to keep (ach, hang it, you are frowning again), and I resolved to offer her all my money--thirty thousand roubles I could have realised then--if she would run away with me here, to Petersburg. Of course I should have vowed eternal love, rapture, and so on. Do you know, I was so wild about her at that time that if she had told me to poison Marfa Petrovna or to cut her throat and to marry herself, it would have been done at once! But it ended in the catastrophe of which you know already. You can fancy how frantic I was when I heard that Marfa Petrovna had got hold of that scoundrelly attorney, Luzhin, and had almost made a match between them--which would really have been just the same thing as I was proposing. Wouldn't it? Wouldn't it? I notice that you've begun to be very attentive . . . you interesting young man. . . ."
Svidrigailov struck the table with his fist impatiently. He was flushed. Raskolnikov saw clearly that the glass or glass and a half of champagne that he had sipped almost unconsciously was affecting him-- and he resolved to take advantage of the opportunity. He felt very suspicious of Svidrigailov.
"Well, after what you have said, I am fully convinced that you have come to Petersburg with designs on my sister," he said directly to Svidrigailov, in order to irritate him further.
"Oh, nonsense," said Svidrigailov, seeming to rouse himself. "Why, I told you . . . besides your sister can't endure me."
"Yes, I am certain that she can't, but that's not the point."
"Are you so sure that she can't?" Svidrigailov screwed up his eyes and smiled mockingly. "You are right, she doesn't love me, but you can never be sure of what has passed between husband and wife or lover and mistress. There's always a little corner which remains a secret to the world and is only known to those two. Will you answer for it that Avdotya Romanovna regarded me with aversion?"
"From some words you've dropped, I notice that you still have designs --and of course evil ones--on Dounia and mean to carry them out promptly."
"What, have I dropped words like that?" Svidrigailov asked in naive dismay, taking not the slightest notice of the epithet bestowed on his designs.
"Why, you are dropping them even now. Why are you so frightened? What are you so afraid of now?"
"Me--afraid? Afraid of you? You have rather to be afraid of me, /cher ami/. But what nonsense. . . . I've drunk too much though, I see that. I was almost saying too much again. Damn the wine! Hi! there, water!"
He snatched up the champagne bottle and flung it without ceremony out of the window. Philip brought the water.
"That's all nonsense!" said Svidrigailov, wetting a towel and putting it to his head. "But I can answer you in one word and annihilate all your suspicions. Do you know that I am going to get married?"
"You told me so before."
"Did I? I've forgotten. But I couldn't have told you so for certain for I had not even seen my betrothed; I only meant to. But now I really have a betrothed and it's a settled thing, and if it weren't that I have business that can't be put off, I would have taken you to see them at once, for I should like to ask your advice. Ach, hang it, only ten minutes left! See, look at the watch. But I must tell you, for it's an interesting story, my marriage, in its own way. Where are you off to? Going again?"
"No, I'm not going away now."
"Not at all? We shall see. I'll take you there, I'll show you my betrothed, only not now. For you'll soon have to be off. You have to go to the right and I to the left. Do you know that Madame Resslich, the woman I am lodging with now, eh? I know what you're thinking, that she's the woman whose girl they say drowned herself in the winter. Come, are you listening? She arranged it all for me. You're bored, she said, you want something to fill up your time. For, you know, I am a gloomy, depressed person. Do you think I'm light-hearted? No, I'm gloomy. I do no harm, but sit in a corner without speaking a word for three days at a time. And that Resslich is a sly hussy, I tell you. I know what she has got in her mind; she thinks I shall get sick of it, abandon my wife and depart, and she'll get hold of her and make a profit out of her--in our class, of course, or higher. She told me the father was a broken-down retired official, who has been sitting in a chair for the last three years with his legs paralysed. The mamma, she said, was a sensible woman. There is a son serving in the provinces, but he doesn't help; there is a daughter, who is married, but she doesn't visit them. And they've two little nephews on their hands, as though their own children were not enough, and they've taken from school their youngest daughter, a girl who'll be sixteen in another month, so that then she can be married. She was for me. We went there. How funny it was! I present myself--a landowner, a widower, of a well- known name, with connections, with a fortune. What if I am fifty and she is not sixteen? Who thinks of that? But it's fascinating, isn't it? It is fascinating, ha-ha! You should have seen how I talked to the papa and mamma. It was worth paying to have seen me at that moment. She comes in, curtseys, you can fancy, still in a short frock--an unopened bud! Flushing like a sunset--she had been told, no doubt. I don't know how you feel about female faces, but to my mind these sixteen years, these childish eyes, shyness and tears of bashfulness are better than beauty; and she is a perfect little picture, too. Fair hair in little curls, like a lamb's, full little rosy lips, tiny feet, a charmer! . . . Well, we made friends. I told them I was in a hurry owing to domestic circumstances, and the next day, that is the day before yesterday, we were betrothed. When I go now I take her on my knee at once and keep her there. . . . Well, she flushes like a sunset and I kiss her every minute. Her mamma of course impresses on her that this is her husband and that this must be so. It's simply delicious! The present betrothed condition is perhaps better than marriage. Here you have what is called /la nature et la verite/, ha-ha! I've talked to her twice, she is far from a fool. Sometimes she steals a look at me that positively scorches me. Her face is like Raphael's Madonna. You know, the Sistine Madonna's face has something fantastic in it, the face of mournful religious ecstasy. Haven't you noticed it? Well, she's something in that line. The day after we'd been betrothed, I bought her presents to the value of fifteen hundred roubles--a set of diamonds and another of pearls and a silver dressing-case as large as this, with all sorts of things in it, so that even my Madonna's face glowed. I sat her on my knee, yesterday, and I suppose rather too unceremoniously--she flushed crimson and the tears started, but she didn't want to show it. We were left alone, she suddenly flung herself on my neck (for the first time of her own accord), put her little arms round me, kissed me, and vowed that she would be an obedient, faithful, and good wife, would make me happy, would devote all her life, every minute of her life, would sacrifice everything, everything, and that all she asks in return is my /respect/, and that she wants 'nothing, nothing more from me, no presents.' You'll admit that to hear such a confession, alone, from an angel of sixteen in a muslin frock, with little curls, with a flush of maiden shyness in her cheeks and tears of enthusiasm in her eyes is rather fascinating! Isn't it fascinating? It's worth paying for, isn't it? Well . . . listen, we'll go to see my betrothed, only not just now!"
"The fact is this monstrous difference in age and development excites your sensuality! Will you really make such a marriage?"
"Why, of course. Everyone thinks of himself, and he lives most gaily who knows best how to deceive himself. Ha-ha! But why are you so keen about virtue? Have mercy on me, my good friend. I am a sinful man. Ha- ha-ha!"
"But you have provided for the children of Katerina Ivanovna. Though . . . though you had your own reasons. . . . I understand it all now."
"I am always fond of children, very fond of them," laughed Svidrigailov. "I can tell you one curious instance of it. The first day I came here I visited various haunts, after seven years I simply rushed at them. You probably notice that I am not in a hurry to renew acquaintance with my old friends. I shall do without them as long as I can. Do you know, when I was with Marfa Petrovna in the country, I was haunted by the thought of these places where anyone who knows his way about can find a great deal. Yes, upon my soul! The peasants have vodka, the educated young people, shut out from activity, waste themselves in impossible dreams and visions and are crippled by theories; Jews have sprung up and are amassing money, and all the rest give themselves up to debauchery. From the first hour the town reeked of its familiar odours. I chanced to be in a frightful den--I like my dens dirty--it was a dance, so called, and there was a /cancan/ such as I never saw in my day. Yes, there you have progress. All of a sudden I saw a little girl of thirteen, nicely dressed, dancing with a specialist in that line, with another one /vis-a-vis/. Her mother was sitting on a chair by the wall. You can't fancy what a /cancan/ that was! The girl was ashamed, blushed, at last felt insulted, and began to cry. Her partner seized her and began whirling her round and performing before her; everyone laughed and--I like your public, even the /cancan/ public--they laughed and shouted, 'Serves her right-- serves her right! Shouldn't bring children!' Well, it's not my business whether that consoling reflection was logical or not. I at once fixed on my plan, sat down by the mother, and began by saying that I too was a stranger and that people here were ill-bred and that they couldn't distinguish decent folks and treat them with respect, gave her to understand that I had plenty of money, offered to take them home in my carriage. I took them home and got to know them. They were lodging in a miserable little hole and had only just arrived from the country. She told me that she and her daughter could only regard my acquaintance as an honour. I found out that they had nothing of their own and had come to town upon some legal business. I proffered my services and money. I learnt that they had gone to the dancing saloon by mistake, believing that it was a genuine dancing class. I offered to assist in the young girl's education in French and dancing. My offer was accepted with enthusiasm as an honour--and we are still friendly. . . . If you like, we'll go and see them, only not just now."
"Stop! Enough of your vile, nasty anecdotes, depraved vile, sensual man!"
"Schiller, you are a regular Schiller! /O la vertu va-t-elle se nicher?/ But you know I shall tell you these things on purpose, for the pleasure of hearing your outcries!"
"I dare say. I can see I am ridiculous myself," muttered Raskolnikov angrily.
Svidrigailov laughed heartily; finally he called Philip, paid his bill, and began getting up.
"I say, but I am drunk, /assez cause/," he said. "It's been a pleasure."
"I should rather think it must be a pleasure!" cried Raskolnikov, getting up. "No doubt it is a pleasure for a worn-out profligate to describe such adventures with a monstrous project of the same sort in his mind--especially under such circumstances and to such a man as me. . . . It's stimulating!"
"Well, if you come to that," Svidrigailov answered, scrutinising Raskolnikov with some surprise, "if you come to that, you are a thorough cynic yourself. You've plenty to make you so, anyway. You can understand a great deal . . . and you can do a great deal too. But enough. I sincerely regret not having had more talk with you, but I shan't lose sight of you. . . . Only wait a bit."
Svidrigailov walked out of the restaurant. Raskolnikov walked out after him. Svidrigailov was not however very drunk, the wine had affected him for a moment, but it was passing off every minute. He was preoccupied with something of importance and was frowning. He was apparently excited and uneasy in anticipation of something. His manner to Raskolnikov had changed during the last few minutes, and he was ruder and more sneering every moment. Raskolnikov noticed all this, and he too was uneasy. He became very suspicious of Svidrigailov and resolved to follow him.
They came out on to the pavement.
"You go to the right, and I to the left, or if you like, the other way. Only /adieu, mon plaisir/, may we meet again."
And he walked to the right towards the Hay Market.
"您也许知道(不过,我自己也跟您讲过了),"斯维德里盖洛夫开始说,"因为我欠了一大笔钱,又没有任何财产,可以指望靠它来还债,所以在这儿给关进了债务拘留所.用不着细说,当时玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜是怎么把我赎出来的;您知道吗,有时一个女人一爱一上一个人,会糊涂到什么程度?这是一个正直和相当聪明的女人(虽然根本没受过教育).您要知道,这个最一爱一吃醋的正直女人发狂似地跟我大吵大闹,责备了我许多次以后,竟决心对我采取宽容态度,跟我订了一个合同,在我们婚后的这段时间里,一直履行合同上规定的义务.问题在于,她年龄比我大得多,此外她嘴里还经常含一着丁香.我卑鄙到了这种地步,不过也似乎相当诚实,竟直截了当地对她说,我不能对她完全忠实.我这样坦白说出心里的话,把她气得发狂,不过在某种程度上她也喜欢我这种粗一鲁的坦率,她说, '既然他事先向我声明,也就是说,他不想欺骗我,'嗯,对于一个嫉妒的女人来说,这一点是最要紧的.她哭了很久,流了很多眼泪,在这以后,我们之间订立了一个口头协议:第一,我绝不遗弃玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜,永远是她的丈夫;第二,未经她允许,我哪里也不能去;第三,我永远不搞长期的情一妇;第四,作为一交一换条件,玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜允许我有时跟女仆勾搭,可是一定得让她暗暗地知道;第五,绝对不许我一爱一上我们同一个阶层的女人;第六,万一我又产生严肃认真的真挚一爱一情,--而这是绝对不允许的,--那么我必须坦白地告诉玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜.不过,对于最后一点,玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜一直相当放心;这是个聪明女人,所以她一定是把我看作一个一浪一荡子和一�H一棍,而这样的人是不会严肃认真地一爱一上什么人的.然而聪明女人和嫉妒的女人是两种不同的人,糟就糟在这里.不过,要对某些人作出公正的判断,就得事先摒弃某些先入为主的偏见,对通常在我们周围的那些人和事物,要改变那些通常的一习一惯看法.我有理由希望,您会作出比任何人都公正的判断.也许您已经听到过许多有关玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜的可笑和荒唐的事情了.她的确有一些非常可笑的一习一惯;不过我要坦率地对您说,对于我给她造成的数不尽的伤心事,我真诚地感到悔恨.我觉得,一个最一温一柔的妻子死后,她最一温一柔的丈夫能在安葬时说这样几句很不错的o-raisonfunèbre①,也就够了.在我们争吵的时候,我多半一声不响,也不发脾气,这种绅士风度几乎总是会达到预期的目的;这种态度影响了她,她甚至觉得喜欢,有时候她甚至为我感到自豪.可是对令妹,她还是无法容忍了.她竟然冒险请这样一位美人儿到家里来作家庭教师,真不知怎么会发生这样的事!我的解释是这样的:玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜是个非常热情和敏一感的女人,她简直是自己一爱一上了--的确是一爱一上了令妹.而且阿芙多季娅·罗曼诺芙娜也真让人一爱一!第一眼看到她,我心里就十分清楚,事情不妙,--您想怎么着?--我决定不抬起眼来看她.可是,阿芙多季娅·罗曼诺芙娜自己迈出了第一步--您信不信?起初我总是绝口不提令妹,玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜不断地夸奖阿芙多季娅·罗曼诺芙娜,我对她的这些赞辞根本不感兴趣,玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜甚至为此很生我的气,这您也会相信吗?我自己也不明白,她需要什么!嗯,当然啦,玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜把我的全部底细都讲给阿芙多季娅·罗曼诺芙娜听了.她有个很坏的特点,总是把我们家的一切秘密毫无例外地讲给所有的人听,而且逢人就抱怨,不断地对人诉说我不好;她怎么会放过这么一个极好的新朋友呢?我认为,她们谈话,不外乎是谈论我,而且所有这些据认为是我干的极不愉快而又神秘的事情,阿芙多季娅·罗曼诺芙娜无疑已经全都知道了......我敢打赌,您也已经听到过这一类的故事了吧?"
--------
①法文,"安葬时的悼词"之意.
"听到过了.卢任指控您,甚至把一个孩子的死归罪于您.
这是真的吗?"
"唉,请别提这些卑鄙的事了,"斯维德里盖洛夫厌恶而且抱怨地推托说,"如果您一定想知道这件毫无意思的事情,什么时候我专门讲给您听,可是现在......"
"还谈到了乡下您一个仆人的事,似乎这件事也要怪您."
"请别说了,够了!"斯维德里盖洛夫又显然很不耐烦地打断了他.
"这是不是那个死后来给您装过烟斗的仆人......还是您自己讲给我听的呢?"拉斯科利尼科夫越来越气愤了.
斯维德里盖洛夫仔细看了看拉斯科利尼科夫,拉斯科利尼科夫仿佛觉得,这个人的目光里好似电光一闪,刹时间露出了恶毒的微笑,然而斯维德里盖洛夫控制住了自己,非常客气地回答:
"这就是那个仆人.我看得出来,您对这一切也非常感兴趣;我认为这是我的义务:一有适当的机会,就一一讲给您听,以满足您的好奇心.见鬼!我看得出来,我的确会被人看作一浪一漫人物.玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜对令妹讲了那么多关于我的神秘而有趣的事情,您想想看,为此,我该多么感谢我的亡妻啊.我不敢推测,她会产生什么印象;不过无论如何,这对我是有利的.尽管阿芙多季娅·罗曼诺芙娜自然会厌恶我,尽管我总是神情一�一郁,那副样子就让人感到讨厌,她却终于可怜起我来,可怜起我这个不可救药的人来了.而当一位姑一娘一心里产生了怜悯,那么,当然,这对她是最危险的了.这时一定会想要'救'他,想要开导他,使他获得新生,要求他有较为崇高的理想,开始过新的生活,从事新的活动,嗯,大家都知道,会有多少这一类的幻想.我立刻明白,小鸟儿自己飞进网里来了,于是我也作好了准备.您好像皱起了眉头,罗季昂·罗曼内奇?没关系,您要知道,事情没有什么结果.(见鬼,我喝了多少酒啊!)您要知道,从一开始,我就总是感到惋惜,命运怎么不让令妹生在公元二世纪或三世纪,做某位王公,或者执政官,或者小亚细亚总督的千金.无疑她一定会是那些忍受殉难之苦的人们当中的一个,而且,当然啦,用烧红的火钳烫她胸脯的时候,她也会面带笑容.她会自己故意去受这样的痛苦;而在四世纪或五世纪的时候,她就会到埃及的沙漠里去,在那里住上三十年,靠草根,狂一热和幻想生活.她自己只渴望并要求尽快去为什么人受苦,如果不让她受苦,大概她就会从窗口跳下去自一杀.我听到过有关拉祖米欣先生的一些事情.据说他是个年轻小伙子,通情达理(就连他的姓也显示出,他大概是个教会学校的毕业生),那么就让他来保护令妹吧.总之,我觉得我了解她,并为此感到荣幸.不过当时,也就是说在刚认识的时候,您也知道,不知为什么,人总是较为轻率,也更愚蠢,看问题不正确,往往看不到实质.见鬼,她为什么长得那么美呢?这不是我的过错!总之,我这方面是从无法抑制的一性一欲冲动开始的.阿芙多季娅·罗曼诺芙娜非常贞洁,可说是闻所未闻,见所未见.(请您注意,我对您说的关于令妹的这些话,都是事实.她的贞洁也许达到了病态的程度,尽管她见多识广,聪明过人,可这对她是有害的.)这时我们家来了一个姑一娘一,叫巴拉莎,黑眼睛的巴拉莎,是刚从另一个村里搭车来的,她是个丫头,我还从来没见过她, --人长得很漂亮,可是蠢得让人难以置信:眼泪汪汪,号叫得到处都能听见,结果大吵了一场.有一次午饭后,阿芙多季娅·罗曼诺芙娜故意趁我只有一个人的时候,在花园里的林荫道上找到了我,她两眼闪闪发光,要求我别再缠着可怜的巴拉莎.这大概是我们两个人第一次谈话.我当然认为,满足她的愿望是我的荣幸,竭力装出一副惊讶和发窘的样子,总之,这个角色我演得还挺不错.于是开始往来,又是秘密一交一谈,又是劝谕和开导,又是请求和央告,甚至泪流满面,--您相信吗,甚至还流泪呢!有些姑一娘一的宣传热情达到了何种程度啊!我当然把一切都归咎于自己的命运,装作一个如饥似渴追求光明的人,最后还采用了征服女人们的心的最伟大和最可靠的办法,这个办法永远不会让任何人失望,无一例外,对所有人都绝对有效.这个办法是尽人皆知的,就是阿谀奉承.世界上没有什么比直言不讳更难,也没有什么比阿谀奉承更容易的了.直言不讳,即使其中只有百分之一的音调是虚假的,那么立刻就会产生不和谐,随之而来的是争吵.而阿谀奉承,即使从头至尾全部音调都是虚假的,可还是让人高兴,听着不会觉得不愉快;哪怕这愉快有点儿肉麻,可还是感到愉快.而且不管阿谀奉承多么肉麻,其中却至少有一半让人觉得好像是真实的.对于各种不同文化程度的人,对于社会上的各个阶层来说,都是如此.就连贞洁的少女,也可以用阿谀奉承去勾一引她.至于普通人,那就更不用说了.有一次我勾搭上了一个忠于自己的丈夫,孩子,而且严守闺训的太太,一回想起这件事来,就不禁觉得好笑.这件事是多么让人开心,而且多么不费力啊!这位太太品德当真是高尚的,至少自以为是这样.我的全部策略只不过是每一分钟都表示,我已完全屈服,对她的贞洁佩服得五体投地.我厚颜无一耻地奉承她,有时,只要能让她和我握一握手,甚至看我一眼,我就责备自己,说这是我强迫她这样做的,说她曾抗拒过,竭力抗拒过,如果不是我那么恶劣,大概永远什么也得不到;说由于她天真,不能预见到勾一引她的一�一谋诡计,无意中失一身,自己还不知道,等等,等等.总之,我得到了一切,而我的这位太太却仍然完全相信,她是纯洁无瑕和贞洁的,始终信守她的责任和义务,而她的堕一落完全是无意的.当我最后向她宣布,我真诚地相信,她也像我一样,是在寻一欢作乐,这时她对我是多么生气啊.可怜的玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜也非常一爱一听恭维话,如果我想这么做的话,那么,毫无疑问,还在她活着的时候,就会把她的全部财产统统留给我了.(不过我酒喝得太多,话也太多了.)如果现在我谈到,对阿芙多季娅·罗曼诺芙娜也开始产生了同样的效果,希望您不要生气.可是我很傻,而且缺乏耐心,于是把整个事情都给破坏了.还在以前,阿芙多季娅·罗曼诺芙娜就有好几次(特别有一次)表示,很不喜欢我的眼神,这您相信吗?总之,我的眼里越来越强烈,越来越不谨慎地燃一烧起某种火焰,这使她感到害怕,终于使她感到憎恨了.详细情况用不着说了,不过,我们不再往来了.这时我又干了件蠢事.我以极其粗一暴的方式嘲笑所有这些说教和请求;巴拉莎又上场上了,而且还不止她一个,总之,闹得很不像话.噢,罗季昂· 罗曼内奇,如果您一生中哪怕只有一次看到令妹的眼睛,看到她的眼睛有时会像那样闪闪发光,那就好了!现在我喝醉了,整整一杯酒都喝光了,这没关系,我说的全是真话;请您相信,我梦见过这样的目光;她的衣服�O�O�@�@的响声也终于让我受不了了.真的,我想,我是发疯了,我从来也没想到,我会这样发狂.总之,必须和解;然而这是不可能的.您想想看,当时我做了些什么?疯狂能使人糊涂到什么程度啊!可千万别在疯狂的时候采取任何行动,罗季昂·罗曼内奇.我考虑到,阿芙多季娅·罗曼诺芙娜实际上一贫如洗,(唉,请原谅,我并不想这么说......不过如果讲的是同一个概念,用什么词汇不是都一样吗?)总之,是靠自己双手劳动生活,而且令堂和您也都靠她(唉,见鬼,您又皱眉了......),于是我决定把我的钱(当时我可以拿得出三万卢布来)都送给她,让她跟我一起私奔,哪怕逃到这里,逃到彼得堡来也行.当然啦,这时我还发誓永远一爱一她,让她终生幸福,等等.您相信吗,当时我一爱一她一爱一到了这种程度,如果她对我说:你把玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜杀死或者毒死,跟我结婚,那么这立刻就会实现!可结果是一场灾难,这您已经知道了,您自己可以想象得出,当时我得知玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜找到了这个最卑鄙的小官僚卢任,差点儿没给他炮制成了这门亲事,我简直气成了什么样子,--因为这实际上还不就跟我的提议一样吗.是这样吗?是这样吗?是这样的,不是吗?我发觉,您开始注意听了......有意思的青年人......"
斯维德里盖洛夫焦躁地用拳头捶了一下桌子.他的脸涨得血红.拉斯科利尼科夫清清楚楚看出,他不知不觉一口一口喝下去的那一杯或者是一杯半香槟对他产生了病态的影响,于是决定利用这个机会.斯维德里盖洛夫让他觉得很可疑.
"嗯,知道了这些情况以后,我完全相信,您到这里来,一定是对舍妹有什么打算,"他直截了当,毫不隐讳地对斯维德里盖洛夫说,想惹他更加发火.
"唉,别再提这个了,"斯维德里盖洛夫好像突然想起了什么,"我不是跟您说过了......再说,令妹也非常讨厌我."
"她非常讨厌您,对这一点我也深信不疑,不过现在问题不在这里."
"您深信她非常讨厌我吗?(斯维德里盖洛夫眯缝起眼来,嘲讽地微微一笑.)您是对的,她不喜欢我;可是对夫妻间或者情一人之间的事,您永远也不能担保.这儿总是有这么一个角落,对全世界始终是个秘密,只有他们两个才知道.您能担保阿芙多季娅·罗曼诺芙娜一定会厌恶我吗?"
"根据您谈话时使用的某些词句,我发觉,现在您对杜尼娅仍然有什么企图,还有一些刻不容缓,十分迫切的打算,当然,是卑鄙的打算."
"怎么!我随口说出过这样的话吗?"斯维德里盖洛夫突然非常天真地惊慌起来,丝毫没有注意那个显示出他的意图的形容词.
"这样的话现在也随口说出来了.您为什么,譬如说吧,这么害怕?现在您为什么突然大吃一惊?"
"我害怕和吃惊吗?我怕您?倒不如说您该怕我,cherami①可是,多么荒唐......不过,我喝醉了,这我明白;差点又说漏了嘴.酒,去它的!喂,拿水来!"
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①法文,"亲一爱一的朋友"之意.
他抓起酒瓶,毫不客气地把它扔出窗外.菲利普拿来了水.
"这全都是一胡一说八道,"斯维德里盖洛夫说,把一毛一巾浸一湿,按在头上,"我只要说一句话就能让您不再一胡一扯,使您的一切疑虑烟消云散.譬如说,您知道我要结婚了吗?"
"这您以前就对我说过了."
"说过了吗?我忘了.不过那时候我还不能肯定地说,因为那时候连未婚妻都还没见过呢,只是有这个意图.可现在未婚妻已经有了,事情已经办妥了,要不是有刻不容缓的事情,我一定这会儿就带您去见见他们,因为我想听听您的建议.唉,见鬼!只剩十分钟了.您看看表,看到了吧;不过我要讲给您听听,因为这是件很有趣的事,我指的是我的婚事,也就是说,从某一点来看,--您去哪儿?又要走吗?"
"不,现在我不走了."
"根本不走了吗?咱们倒要瞧瞧!我要带您到那里去,这是真的,让您看看我的未婚妻,不过不是现在,现在您很快就要走了.您往右去,我往左走.您知道这个列斯莉赫吗?就是现在我住在她那儿的这个列斯莉赫,啊?您听说过吗?不,您是在想,就是人们议论的那个女人,说是她家有个小姑一娘一冬天投水自尽了,--嗯,您听说过吗?听说过吗?嗯,这件事就是她给我办的;她说,你这样怪寂寞的,暂时解解闷儿吧.我这个人抑郁寡欢,枯燥无味,不是吗.您以为我很快活吗?不,我很忧郁:我不伤害别人,常常独自坐在一个角落里;有时三天也不跟人说话.可这个列斯莉赫是个骗子,我要告诉您,她心里打的是什么主意:等我觉得厌倦了,就会抛弃妻子,出走,我的妻子就会落到她的手里,她就可以利用她;当然是在我们这个阶层里,而且还要更高一些.她说,有个作父亲的,身一体十分衰弱,是个退休的官吏,整天坐在安乐椅里,两年多没走动过一步.她说,还有个母亲,是位通情达理的太太,也就是一妈一妈一.他们的儿子在外省什么地方任职,不帮助他们.女儿出嫁了,也不来看他们,他们这里还有两个年幼的侄子(自己的儿女还嫌不够),自己最小的小女儿还没念完中学,他们就让她退学了,再过一个月她才满十六岁,也就是说,再过一个月就可以让她出嫁了.就是嫁给我.我们上他们家去了;这多么可笑;我作了自我介绍:地主,鳏夫,出身于名门,有这样一些熟人,还有财产, --我五十了,她还不满十六岁,可这又有什么关系呢?谁会注意这种事?嗯,很诱人,不是吗,哈,哈!您要是能看到我和爸爸,一妈一妈一谈话的情形就好了!真该花钱买票,看看我这时候像什么样子.她出来了,行了个屈膝礼,嗯,您要知道,她还穿着件很短的连衫裙,是个含苞未放的花一蕾,她脸红了,红得像一片朝霞(当然对她说过).我不知道您对女人的容貌有什么看法,不过照我看,十六岁这个年龄,这双还是小姑一娘一的眼睛,这羞答答的胆怯和害羞的眼泪,--照我看,这胜过了美丽,何况她还像画上的美人儿那么漂亮呢.浅色的头发,鬈曲蓬松,梳成一小绺一小绺的,嘴唇丰满,鲜红,一双小脚--真美极了!嗯,我们认识了,我声明,家里有事急需处理,第二天,也就是前天,为我们祝福,给我们订了婚.从那以后,我一去,立刻就让她坐在我的膝上,不让她下来......嗯,她不时脸红,红得像朝霞,我不停地吻她;一妈一妈一当然提醒她说,这是你丈夫,应该这样,总而言之,这实在是太好了!而现在这种情况,作未婚夫的情况,真的,也许比作丈夫的时候更好.这就是所谓lanatureetlavérité①了!我跟她谈过两次--这姑一娘一可一点儿也不傻;有时她那样偷偷地看我一眼,--甚至让我神魂颠倒.您要知道,她的小一脸很像拉斐尔的圣母像.要知道,<西斯庭圣母像>上,圣母的神情是富于幻想的,像一个悲伤的狂一热信徒的脸,这您注意了吗?嗯,这姑一娘一的脸就像这个样子.刚给我们订了婚,第二天我就送去价值一千五百卢布的礼物:一件钻石首饰,另一件是珍珠的,还有一个妇女用的银梳妆盒--有这么大,里面装着各式各样的东西,就连她那圣母似的小一脸也变得绯红了.昨天我让她坐在我膝上,是啊,也许我太放肆了,--她满脸通红,突然流一出泪来,可是不愿让人看出她心情激动,羞得无地自容.有一会儿大家都出去了,只剩下了我和她两个人,她突然搂住我的脖子(这是她第一次),用两只小手搂着我,吻我,发誓说,她要作我的百依百顺,忠诚,贤慧的妻子,一定会让我幸福,说她要献出自己的一生,献出自己一生中的每一分钟,牺牲自己的一切,一切,而作为回报,她只希望得到我的尊重,她说,此外我'什么,什么也不需要,也不需要任何礼物!'您得同意,一个十六岁的小天使,由于少女的羞怯,脸上飞起两片红霞,眼里含一着热情的泪花,你和她单独坐在一起,听着她这样坦白地说出自己心里的话,您得同意,这是相当诱人的.诱人,不是吗?不是值得吗,啊?嗯,值得,不是吗?喂......喂,请您听我说,......嗯,咱们一道去我的未婚妻那里......不过不是现在!......"
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①法文,"自然而且真挚"之意.
"总之,这种年龄和文化修养上的极大差异激起了您的情一欲!难道您真的要这样结婚吗?"
"那又有什么呢?一定的.每个人都关心自己,谁最会欺骗自己,谁就能过得最快活.哈!哈!您干吗要装作一个道德高尚的人,请宽恕我吧,老弟,我是个有罪的人.嘿!嘿!
嘿!"
"可是您安置了卡捷琳娜·伊万诺芙娜的孩子们......不过,您这样做是有原因的......现在我一切都明白了."
"一般说,我喜欢孩子,很喜欢孩子,"斯维德里盖洛夫哈哈大笑起来."我甚至可以给您讲一讲关于这方面的一件非常有趣的事,直到现在,这件事还没结束呢.我来到这里的头一天,就到这儿各种藏污纳垢的地方去了,嗯,阔别七年之后,我简直是急急忙忙地跑去的.您大概注意到了,我并不急于跟自己那伙人会面,并不急于去找从前的那些朋友和熟人.嗯,我尽可能拖延着不去找他们.您要知道,我在乡下,住在玛尔法·彼特罗芙娜那儿的时候,对这些神秘的地方和场所真是魂牵梦萦,思念得痛苦到了极点,而谁要是了解这些地方,就可以在那儿发现很多东西.见鬼!人们在酗酒,受过教育的青年人由于无所事事,沉湎于无法实现的幻想之中,而变得对一切都十分冷漠,曲解各种理论,自己也变得思想混乱,极不正常;不知从什么地方来了一批犹太人,他们都把钱积蓄起来,其余的人都在过着荒一�H一无一耻的生活.从最初几个钟头,这座城市就让我闻到了熟悉的气息.我来到一个所谓跳舞晚会,--一个可怕的藏污纳垢的地方(而我喜欢的正是这种肮脏地方),嗯,当然啦,在跳康康舞①,在我年轻的时候还没有这种玩意儿.是啊,这就叫进步嘛.突然,我看到一个十二,三岁的小姑一娘一,穿得很漂亮,正在和一个舞艺超群的人跳舞;那个人站在她对面.墙边一把椅子上坐着她的母亲.嗯,您要知道,康康舞是种什么舞!小姑一娘一害羞了,脸涨得通红,终于感到自己受了侮辱,放声大哭起来.那个舞艺超群的人搂住她,旋转起来,在她面前表演种种舞姿,周围的人全都哈哈大笑,在这种时候,我喜欢你们这些观众,即使是康康舞的观众,大家都在哈哈大笑,高声叫喊:'好哇,就应该这样!别带孩子来嘛!'哼,他们这样自己安慰自己是不是合理,我才不在乎呢,关我什么事!我立刻选中了一个座位,坐到那位母亲身旁,对她说,我也是从外地来的,说这儿这些人都多么粗野,说他们都分不清什么是真正的尊严,对别人也缺乏应有的尊重;我让她知道,我有很多钱;我请她们坐我的马车回家;送她们回家以后,我和她们认识了(她们住在向二房东租来的一间小屋里,刚来不久).她们对我说,她和她女儿能跟我认识,感到非常荣幸;我还得知,她们一无所有,她们到这里来,是要在某机关里办一件什么事情;我表示愿意效劳,表示愿意给她们一些钱;我还得知,她们去参加那个晚会,是弄错了,还以为那里真的是教人跳舞呢;我表示愿意提供帮助,让这位年轻的姑一娘一学一习一法文和跳舞.她们十分高兴地接受了,认为这是很荣幸的,直到现在我还在跟她们来往......您要高兴的话,咱们一道去--不过不是现在."
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①法国游艺场中的一种黄色舞蹈.
"别讲了,别讲您那些卑鄙,下流的笑话了,您这个道德败坏的,下流的色鬼!"
"席勒,我们的席勒,简直就是席勒:Oùva-t-ellelavertusenicher?①您知道吗,我要故意给您讲一些这样的事情,好听听您高声叫喊.真让人高兴!"
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①法文,"哪里没有善行"之意.据说这是法国著名喜剧作家莫里衷(一六二二--一六七三)的一句话.据说,有一次莫里哀给了一个乞丐一枚金币,乞丐以为他给错了,问他,他就是这样回答的.
"当然啦,难道这时候我自己不觉得自己好笑吗?"拉斯科利尼科夫气愤地低声说.
斯维德里盖洛夫放声哈哈大笑;最后叫来了菲利普,付了帐,站起身来.
"咽,是的,我喝醉了,assezcausé①!"他说,"真高兴啊!"
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①法文,"闲扯得够了"之意.
"那还用说,您还会不高兴,"拉斯科利尼科夫高声说,说着也站起来了,"对于一个老色鬼来说,讲这样的奇遇,--而且怀有这种荒谬绝伦的意图,--怎么会不高兴呢,而且还是在这样的情况下,讲给一个像我这样的人听......是够刺激的."
"嗯,如果是这样,"斯维德里盖洛夫甚至有几分惊讶地回答,同时仔细打量着拉斯科利尼科夫,"如果是这样的话,那么您也是个相当厚颜无一耻的人了.至少您是成为这种人的好材料.很多,很多东西您都能理解......嗯,很多事情也都能做呢.唉,不过,够了.由衷地感到遗憾,没能跟您多聊聊,可您是不会离开我的......不过请您稍等一会儿......"
斯维德里盖洛夫走出了小饭馆.拉斯科利尼科夫跟着他走了出去.然而斯维德里盖洛夫醉得并不十分厉害;酒劲儿只不过有一会儿工夫冲了上来,时间慢慢逝去,醉意也渐渐消失了.有一件什么事情,一件非常重要的事情让他十分挂心,他皱起了眉头.显然,他是因为等待着什么而焦急不安.最后这几分钟里,他对拉斯科利尼科夫的态度突然变了,而且越来越粗一暴,越来超含讥带讽.这一切拉斯科利尼科夫都看出来了,他也感到不安了.他开始感到斯维德里盖洛夫十分可疑,决定跟着他.
他们走到了人行道上.
"您往右,我往左,或者,也可以相反,只不过--adieu,monplaisir①,愿我们愉快地再见!"
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①法文,"再见,我亲一爱一的"之意.
于是他往右,向干草广场走去.
